Archive for the 'Reflections' Category
Sunset on the road
The hand that rocks the cradle…
‘The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world’
‘The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world’. This, is subject to interpretation. To me, it speaks of a mother’s love and the tears she shed to save her child.
In November 1980 on a quiet Saturday morning , one young women heavily pregnant with a girl child, embarked on a trip by taxi to a town called Umtata, the then capital town of the Transkei. She lived in kuTsolo, on the outskirts of Umtata, at a village called Ngcele. Going to Umtata every month end was part of her routine, therefore even as pregnant as she was, with two months to go before the arrival of her child, she needed to get there to run some errands. Public transport was her only mode of transportation.
She caught a taxi thinking that it was just another ordinary day for her to travel. Unbeknown to her, there would be surprises that would lead to a sequence of events that would change both her life and the life of the unborn child.
On arrival in Umtata, she managed to run all errands and was ready for her return trip rather early in the day, thus she took another taxi heading home. The taxi driver needed to first take a detour to Ngangelizwe township to collect some items before driving off to Tsolo.
At about nine o’clock the taxi was finally ready to go, however as they were leaving Umtata one of the tyres burst, causing the taxi to overturn. The expectant woman was rushed to the hospital, and fortunately had not sustained any major injuries thus was allowed to continue with her trip. She got into another taxi homeward bound, but this time, as they were driving past the Ntywenka cuttings, the driver lost control of the vehicle causing the taxi to roll down the mountain. Again the mother-to-be was rushed to the hospital where she was deemed alright and was told she could continue her journey. It was roughly eleven in the morning. She eventually managed to reach Ngcele, her village, where her husband joined her to go shopping at a nearby town of Maclear, this time traveling by car.
It was a rainy afternoon the roads were wet, and precarious. The journey continued. The shopping was finished, and it was time to return home but on leaving Maclear, the car experienced trouble and veered off the road down a valley. For the third time the expectant mother was rushed to yet another hospital in Maclear, where she was admitted immediately but was now experiencing stomach cramps. This was a sign that she was going through premature labour, the baby was to be two months early if it survived.
Fortunately both mother and child survived the ordeal, and a beautiful daughter was welcomed into the world. She was named Amkelwa.
‘The hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world’
I bless my mother for surviving all three accidents and bringing me into this world. that day indeed changed our lives.
weeds
We all know that weeds are an inevitable part of life. When one plants seeds on any ground, there is the hope that one day the seeds will grow into a plant and that gradually the plants will yield some fruits or give some flowers. This was my particular expectation when two months ago my family and I embarked on a gardening lark. Of course, the decision to plant seeds came upon us almost on an impulse during an afternoon of clearing our back yard and trying to define it in some way or other that would give it our own personal stamp. How better to do this than plant our very own seeds.
It was with relative ease that we removed the remnants of what looked to be the previous plants that may have been planted there before us, and then proceed to prepare the soil to to be receptive to the water as well as be ready to receive new seeds. Having never thought over much about the intricacies of gardening, we perhaps merely assumed that as long as we removed the visible old and rather undesirable growth, the soil would automatically be ready to take what ever seeds we planted and allow them to grow. This assumption was made mainly because we were novices, I would like to believe.
After much excitement and anticipation of the time when the seeds would start showing growth and start looking alive, we were very proud indeed to finally see with our own naked eyes the fruits of our labour, as we began to see the promise of new life. Unbeknown to us this was only just the beginning.
As the winter rains came and went , watering our garden, the seedlings indeed became visible and great was our joy and sense of pride at a job well done. A success, this gardening lark seemed to be!
As nature would have it, the waters did not only nurture our seeds, but also resuscitated the remainder of the plants that had been there, which we had been so careful to remove, again, we decided to bide our time and give the plants a chance to see what would take form.
Considering how much of a pride and joy our new garden was to us, we never missed a moment to show it off to our visitors who may even have been surprised at the fact that we did some gardening in the first place. A sort of ’so there’ kind of thinking. Many of our guest were pleasantly surprised and indeed appeared to share in our excitement for the new growth brought about by our own hands.
One guest, however, having perhaps some knowledge of gardening or plants, pointed out that one of the biggest plants that was growing in the midst of our little newly grown plants, was actually a potential hazard to the rest of the plants. But how could this be? This was one plant that showed so much promise, how is it possible that it was the one that could bring damage to the whole of the pot? In this spirit, we thought that perhaps it was a mistake and that this beautiful fast growing plant would not cause much damage, thus we gave it some more time.
As the rains continued and all the plants were starting to come into themselves, it became evident that they were all growing in their own right, but somehow the general growth seemed to have come to a standstill, ‘here and no further’ the little plants seem to say, and yet upwardly mobile was the dubious one, carelessly growing and thriving.
At noticing this phenomena, I realised also that some ants were getting attracted to the plants and somehow, they seemed to be getting more everyday, and the ‘weed’ was now looking spiky and not so easy on the eye or to the touch, so I thought, maybe we should remove this one and see what happens.
The offending plant was plucked out of its oblivion and sent to an early or maybe timely death, in order to allow new possibilities for the other plants. But, after a bit of time, it looked like the other plants were suffering, as if the removal of that one plant was having a negative effect on them. This was now a little bit of an unexpected surprise, as I had been almost convinced that that plant was the ‘bad apple’ and that removing it would bring salvation to the other plants. Why were the remaining plants ailing?
Again, only Time would tell.
Life continued, and I must admit I even began to forget about the progress of the plants, albeit I saw them almost daily.
During one uncharacteristically warm week I noticed that lo and behold the flowers were emerging and with time they started to bloom, I was ecstatic! We had done it, our plants were blooming ! Well done us!
My attention was brought back ever so quickly to again paying attention and admiring our flowers.
It is then that it occurred to me that the planting of the seeds is the initial step in gardening, however throughout one must expect the unexpected. One must be vigilant in case a weed starts to grow thrive while going unnoticed. Just as the trees lose their leaves at some time in the changes of the seasons, to allow new growth later, so it is with planting seeds. There is a constant tending process to ensure that all is still in order.
I realised today, how the plants in our garden reminded me of the process of life. It is sometimes necessarily to get rid of the weeds, so as to allow new possibilities to emerge.
The process of weeding may sometimes feel like you are getting rid of a good thing, yet it may be that by not removing what seems to be a perfectly normal plant, one my be blocking the newness of life from coming.
I now, with my hand on my heart, commit to always remembering to check up on all my gardens, physical, mental, and Spiritual, because Who knows? this may be the secret to sustaining a healthy growth process. A way of allowing the Process of Life to take it’s course.
Perhaps weeds are there to remind us to always take care.
A different point of view…
Lately our family has taken to walking, hiking and exploring the natural surroundings of Cape town, as we all know, Cape town is known for its aesthetic beauty, the Mountain, the Oceans, and of course the Forest, in this case, Newlands Forest.
Once or twice a week we take the opportunity to immerse ourselves in the freshness of Newlands Forest, and each time, its a treat and a half, which leaves you hungry for more.
This morning we decided to have our morning coffee as close to the mountain as possible, as far away from the city as we could get, and as up close and personal to the woods.
This, we had done once before and decided to make a tradition of it.
As we climbed higher and higher and got closer and closer to the mountain, we delved deeper and deeper into the forest where we eventually found the ‘perfect spot ‘ to sit down and have our morning brew.
There is something about reaching higher ground and distancing oneself from the hustle and bustle of City life, that just goes beyond words.
On seeing the view that spread out before our eyes, these words came to mind. Magnificent, Divine, and Spectacular!
The beauty of this city knows no bounds, from that vantage point of view, you can’t help but feel almost transported to another realm.
What a breathtaking experience! one we plan to repeat as often as its humanly possible for
there is endless beauty in our surroundings, and no end to how far one can explore.
Any given chance one gets to discover this beauty, should be grabbed with both hands.
We certainly did:)
Tough love…
I have only recently begun to do my very own independent investigation of Capetown and all its wonders. My first attempt at uncovering just what the fuss is all about, particularly with The Table Mountain, was an opportunity to get up, close and very personal with this here Mountain.
I decided to go hiking up the mountain, a rather unofficial, unrestricted trip with no specif route to follow, or a particular agenda. This was to be a ‘lets play it by ear’ kind of experience, one that I must add, was greatly underestimated by me, for the hike was a Baptismal by fire, and talk about being thrown at the deep end!
My casual, Capetown style approach to this experience proved to me a bit of a miscalculation.
Any one who has hiked even once would tell you that for a novice, one needs to take many things into consideration, the time, the distance to name a few. However being the oblivious, over eager self that I was, I did not give much thought to these considerations. An oversight, i would later pay rather dearly for.
Since ours was an open hike, there were no boundaries, nor restrictions of any sort, just good old putting my good foot forward and soldier on up the mountain.
I rose to the challenge, and witnessed the sheer beauty of Mother nature in the Mother city, I marveled at the cacophony of sounds, from small insects, beautiful little birds, to the soothing tones of the water fall as it cascaded from some dizzying heights. The potency of the mixture of scents from the various plants intoxicated my senses. The precision of the rock formation from years of being perfectly arranged by nature to form the backdrop that is the mountain, were all such a sight to behold.
The Climb itself became secondary as the combination of forms of nature were the masterpieces of the Puzzle that is the Magnificent Table Mountain.
I was spell bound.
What a humbling experience?
What an initiation, an experience that felt like a rights of passage, for now I truly felt like I understood.
I now understand what the fuss is all about.
Table mountain is indeed a work of art.
The Age of Inner Sense
HAPPY BIRTHADAY to Inner Sense
A new and very much improved ‘Inner Sense’
It’s amazing how time flies when one is having fun, such has been the case with the inception of Inner Sense. On the 6th of June, we celebrate the first year anniversary of Inner Sense! In celebrating this very special birthday, Inner sense has undergone a very much deserved extreme makeover.
For starters we have a brand New image, one that is very much inline with the spirit of Inner Sense, simple, stylish and elegant.
I have also added 3 more links to my business, curriculum vitae, and project. This, to give a bit of insight about the author. To simplify things a bit more, I have divided the posts into 3 different categories, IMHO (In My Humble Opinion), Reflections and Job of Work. As an added bonus, I added this month’s reading list on the side column and last but not least, my twitter can now be followed from here as well.
When I said ‘extreme makeover’ I meant it! I am ever so excited to see the amount of growth that is reflected in each post, it bears testament to the time that has lapsed and the winds of change that have come and gone. It is with the greatest pride and pleasure to witness this form of expression as it gives the inspiration to further find my voice and keep on expressing. This is a labour of love, a place where I sit beside myself and engage with my Self to get a deeper understanding of life and its situations. Inner Sense helps me make sense of that which I experience on a daily basis…it is my sanctuary, my canvas and my mirror. I salute this space.
On the 8th of June, my husband’s blog WSOM BLOG 2.0 (Welfare State of Mind) celebrates it’s 4th birthday! So with much respect and lots of love to the one who helped midwife Inner sense, I raise my fist for you and Welfare State of Mind, may it grow from strength to strength. May good fortune find your doorway always, and may you never grow weary or tired. More power to you, my friend…
It’s been a long and winding road, from the self proclaimed technophobe to the now savvy navigator of the world wide web and all its trappings, there is great cause to celebrate.
Yanga unyaka ozayo ungagcwala ngamathamsanqa…May the coming year be filled with good fortune and wonderful surprises!
Nangamso…
Camagu!!!!!!!!!
Seeds…
A few weeks ago, our family decided to plant a few seeds, as with every seed that is planted, there is always hope for new growth, and new possibilities. After having had a rather emotionally grueling period in our family, we decided that a ‘feel good exercise’ was necessary, one that would mark the beginning of a new season in our lives, as well as one that would potentially have a lasting effect, so we decided to buy various seeds, from flowers to carrots. Considering that neither me nor my husband have any prior experience in gardening, this was purely experimental on all of our parts, our two year old son’s included. So with our gloves donned, spades in hand and hose pipe awaiting, we embarked on this experiment with much gusto and enthusiasm, there’s nothing more exciting than knowing that what you do today, will one day amount to something bigger, beautiful and even surprising. The anticipation of the satisfaction and sense of achievement is in itself enough to fuel one with added energy.
Having carefully prepared the soil and cleared the pots, we all grabbed hold of our sachets of seeds and each of us had a go at sprinkling the seeds into the various pots, since none of us have any actual experience in planting, we chose to play it by ear and just have fun throwing in what ever seeds one had in hand, at times I had the sneaking suspicion that maybe some pots had a combination of winter flowers and carrots all in one. This, obviously , was only going to be evident once the seedlings came out and one discovered what kind of leaves were presented.
The thing about planting seeds, literally and metaphorically, is that it takes time to see the ‘fruits of your labour’. There is a lot of patience needed to carefully nurture and water the seeds, sight unseen, with the knowledge, hope, trust and belief that they will grow to be whatever plants or flowers they were intended to be. It is impossible for the seeds to become flowers over night, without first going through their natural life cycle, however, this knowledge does not stop us wishing.
There are times in life when one feels like events aren’t unfolding quickly enough, business is not yielding result fast enough, the weight is not shedding rapidly enough, winter is not leaving soon enough. The list is endless. The reality is that every thing happens when it happens, as they say, everything has its own season, every caterpillar must go through its process in becoming a butterfly.
Everything has its own process.
Honour the process. The process of watching the pots getting enveloped by the green blanket of new leaves, noticing how some leaves resemble those of carrots and others of winter flowers and realising that it does not matter whether there was a mix up during planting or not, for new growth is new growth.
Sometimes I discover that some pots already had had other plants that had been in need of a bit of attention to spring back to life, so some of the growth was even a surprise to us the planters. It is a matter of accepting and welcoming the sight of everything green in our back yard regardless of what it looks like. A dear friend of mine pointed out that answers in life take form, as with flowers, they take form, shape up and eventually blossom into the wonders that they are. The trick is to recognize the beauty even when it presents in an unexpected form, who knows? One day what looked unacceptable today, could be perfect for another day, its a question of allowance.
I am learning through our foundation level gardening, to honour the process, to trust in nature and the natural laws that govern her, to welcome the new growth in whatever form or shape it comes and to trust that to everything there is a season and a time for every purpose. This is my lesson.
With visible breathe I await with excitement, the day the first flower starts blooming and the transformation of our green back yard will come to full effect…
…With a hopeful heart I usher in the period of new events unfolding, of new dreams being realised and new possibilities beckoning.
And in this spirit, I celebrate father time working together with mother nature, to bring about new life, and I marvel at the sheer brilliance.
When a shift happens…
I used to be of the opinion that the day ‘the shift’ happens there would be thunderbolts and lightning, the earth would move and my whole world would be re-arranged. There would be debris all over and definitely some casualties left in its wake…
Well, I don’t quite know whether that indeed does happen or if it even has happened in some distant plain,but somehow I haven’t yet noticed any thing particularly different. Except that…
The Shift did happen and I think I may have told myself in my deepest slumbers about it and woke up the next morning unbeknown to me, to the dawn of a new day.
The memory of the realisation may lie somewhere deep in the recesses of my conscience, but indeed I felt that something great had definitely happened. It must have been the softest of all whispers to my ear, and the slightest of touches to my spirit, still it felt so definite.
The change can be so subtle that one may even miss it, until one notices one day, that the things that you held onto so strongly for dear life, are becoming a tad cumbersome to carry along, and the need to shake them off becomes surprising acute. You may start remembering the conversations you have had with others and of course with yourself, where you had declared hand over your heart that you would never do or be a certain thing. Proclaimed this and that and the other, thinking that you somehow had any knowledge of what the future holds and whether you would even be there to witness it.
One day you wake up and realise that your longest sworn enemy, has somewhat become just another person you used to know, and that the biggest grudges have evolved into a deep sense of compassion for the one they were once targeted at.
You look into your wardrobe to discover that some where along the line you traded in your much loved and celebrated stilettos for a pair of comfortable all stars and then you Know that something important has indeed taken place.
When one day you considered yourself a tried and tested technophobe and the next, you find yourself glued to the computer screen, on facebook, twitter, wordpress, google, and the like, then you wonder, what happened.
I haven’t wondered for long, because deep down inside, I have known, I was fully aware of this great change.
I think sometimes as people we hold ourselves hostage to the ideas that we have had about ourselves as well as other people and things in general. It seems like we never quite take the time to check up with ourselves just to find out where we are at this particular present moment.
We take for granted that we know what our favourite colour is, our favourite food, or even our dress size, until one day you wake up and discover that while you thought your favourite colour was red, it now is burnt orange, where Thai food was your idea of heaven, you discover that you actually like Nepalese food,
For some reason these realisations all come as quite a surprise as you ask yourself, ‘when did this happen? Where was I when it happened? And what does it even mean?
Fear no more, for in the questions you find the answers and a deep understanding sets in.
I have finally caught on to the dance that is my life,and I now realise that Life has been living through me as opposed to me living life. I thought I was the dancer, but now I know I am the dance, I am the song. The journey is the destination.
What a revelation!
So when the shift happened I must have woken up, from the dream or nightmare that I had considered to be my life. I opened my eyes and looked lovingly at even the things I had thought unacceptable. I found my self singing an old song that I’d been trying for so long to suppress, AND My goodness, I discovered that I do like the sound of my own singing voice.
So, what happened? I guess I must have lost or changed my mind! Either way, it feels great!
When death happens…
After what seemed like an eternity of two relentlessly long weeks of having to deal with the passing of two loved ones, it felt as if the universe was telling us something. And when the universe speaks , You listen.
Starting from two Fridays ago, our world started to change, everything seemed to come to a stand still as nothing could be as important as being present for the loved ones remaining, the one’s whose lives would most certainly undergo an incredible transformation. This was no small feat, for what does one say to sister who has lost the love of her life, her promised lifetime partner and the father of her child? What does one indeed say to the childhood dear friend who loses her mother, the rock of her entire family to an illness?
These were the questions I was grappling with as I attempted to show the support and compassion that these wonderful women so deeply needed at this time of such grave calamities. I seemed to forget about everything else that had a minute before hearing of the first death, been of such importance in my own life, I put on hold all those pressing matters that had been needling at me since time immemorial and squared up to stay focused. The next few weeks, I thought, would be one of the most character building weeks of all our lives.
It occurred to me that Now was the time when avoiding the subject of death was not an option, often times we think of death as this unwelcome visitor, who comes bearing bad tidings, whose dark cloud engulfs all in it’s wake. However, as the days went by and the reality sunk in, I came to the great realisation that death is indeed a part of life, on the other side of the life coin, is death, and as said before, next door to happiness could easily lie sorrow. With this realisation I decided that perhaps it was time to rethink death, and in so doing rethink life.
For every birth there is an inevitable death, for every yes there is a no, and for every tear that falls there is a smile waiting to spread. When death happens you have to choose, you have to decide how you will see this event and how it will impact your life, the things you do, and the way you live. It is a time for introspection for all those who are left behind, and as it happens when all falls apart, there in the chaos, lies an opportunity to rebuild. To rebuild consciously and carefully.
So I decided, this time, calls for a rebirth.
What happens after death is a process of a new dawn, a brand new day, and a promise of new things. Often times we yearn for change, and when the spirit is ready for change, there is nothing that can be done to change this fact. How the change comes, sometimes is beyond our control, in this case the change came in the form of loss of two loved ones. In their passing, we are given the opportunity to recreate, to start afresh… one can only hope we can put this to good use and that we can thank them for their lives and at this moment, the beginning of the NEXT.
After the storm had subsided and the process of healing and making peace had started, my family and I put on our gardening gloves and got working. We were finally ready to embark on a mission to create a garden in our back yard. The guys (My hubby and son) began with the weeding while I was still contemplating, but in no time at all I was out there, gloves in hand and ready to be creative.
Unfortunately we only have two sets of gardening gloves in our home and there is three of us, so one of us was bound to go without. I appealed ( or implored) my son to be the ‘bigger’ man here and take it like a man! Allow us to use the gloves!!!
Alas, it was not to be, as with many two year olds, it seems imperative for them to do exactly what they see the adults around them do, particularly the dad, so after all my ministrations to distract him and get him to give in, I had to admit defeat and inturn reluctantly fish out my favourite pair of soft suede beige gloves ( lovingly purchased in Finland last autumn) and hand them over to the then almost hysterical child! Oh the sacrifices we make! It is needles for me to say how painful the next few minutes were to watch as the little man threw himself with such vigour and glee into the effort of pulling weeds, poking mud and touching water WITH MY BEAUTIFUL GLOVES ON…
That’s when it hit me, I had to surrender, this called for me to once again make peace with the fact and to choose, either my gloves would be ruined for ever or to save them I would cause the smile on this little one’s face to vanish. What to do? What to do?
The smile won of course and with my heart warmed up by the sight of my son’s excited face, I made a note to self to invest in a third pair of gardening gloves for future purposes.
So then, what happens after death? We planted new seeds! we got our gardening tools and got to work.
When a seed is planted, it is only a matter of time before the first plant pierces through the soil and you witness the wonder of nature! The miracle of a rebirth.
After planting about four pots of winter flowers and a few of carrots we cleared up and put our tools down and breathed. A deep sigh of satisfaction a job well done and a solid team effort (to quote my husband)
What a therapeutic process this was. And how glad we were that we had finally braved it…
In a few weeks we await with much anticipation, the birth of our new garden… AND our new lease on life! Its the small things that count.
Death reminds us to remember to live.
It reminds us of all the possibilities that await us.
It calls for a moment of silence as you quietly come home to your self.
Death, be not proud!
Dreams
Talk about misperceptions, misunderstandings and mistaken identities! For the longest time I have looked at you and thought I knew you, I have felt plagued by you, when I found myself struggling in the wee hours of the morning, resisting and fighting you in the form of a nightmare… I found myself dreading the dreams that caused me to wake up to a scream and a shudder, breaking out in beads of cold sweat to lie awake, avoiding sleeping further just incase they came back. In this state I would curse and hope that the experience would not repeat itself, which inevitably did.
I have looked at dreams through eyes that are veiled with memories of human nature’s imperfections, and thought that what I saw in my dreams was indeed the truth. How wrong I have been, how mistaken and misguided my eyes have been, for what I thought I knew, I actually did not. The dreams I knew were those that were born in my head, in the realm of the mind, in the troubled spaces within me. So, one day, I decided to look at You differently, to take off my guilt and shame shaded lenses for a closer inspection, to close my eyes and look at you without seeing. To feel you. I decided to go inside where a different idea of you lived, to look inside my heart. In this place, I discovered that all along I have not known the real you. The nightmares that have been masquerading as you, were residual thoughts of all the hurts and pain from life’s journey, but they were not you.
I decided to lay down my weapons for fighting you and risk approaching you with nothing in my hand and nothing in my head.I decided to make myself vulnerable to you, and in this I found the real you. I found the dreams that grow and bloom in the seat of my soul, those which flower at a sight of beauty. I found the dreams that are wrapped in hope and promise, I found the dream that did not shout at me, but sang me a love song, I found the dreams that I had suffocated in an attempt to kill you inorder to allow the imposter to live.
I have found the truth in my dreams, of my hopes and my greatest desires. I witnessed the transformation of the grotesque to the sublime, beheld a kaleidoscope of colours, a profusion of wonderful choices and the end to the illusion of the nightmare. To discover all this, I had to die first… Again in dying I found a new birth, a brand new view to embrace.
Where there was fear, I found love, Instead of dread, I found promisethis was the day I started looking in my heart to find you, the door to my head slowly closed. A new pair of eyes began to awaken. It was at this point that I realised that all along I had been wrong about you, mistaken you for something else, and for this, I offer my humble apologies. I now open my heart for you to grow, open the doors for you to blossom and trust that one day, as you live in me, I will find the courage to let you live through me. In truth, I am ready to live ‘the dream’
