Living and learning

The School of Life.

As people, we often recognise certain experiences as learning curves, which are characteristically steep by nature. At least that is the case in my life. In general there seems to be a consensus that life/earth is a school and we are all students.

When it comes to learning, there are various types of students, those who want to pass with full colours, those who aim for the bare minimum pass mark so long as it’s a pass and those who give it a go and see how it all turns out. I guess there are times when we are one of the above, depending on the circumstances.

I’ve concluded for myself that if life is a school then there must be teachers, the question then is ‘who are these teachers?’. They say experience is the greatest teacher, and I reckon that every human being that we meet and relate to has the potential to teach us something or the other. Sometimes our learning happens without us even being aware of the process of learning taking place. We learn without realising that we are being taught, and our teachers may teach us without realising that they are teaching. It is often in retrospect that we see the picture more clearly, as they say ‘hindsight is 20/20 vision’.

On a personal note I must admit that I have always been a self proclaimed student of life, the eternal student if you may, yet I have not mastered the art of being a good student. Recently it occured to me that there have been many teachers that have come my way but may have gone unnoticed as I have always expected that learning would happen a certain way. This perception has blinded me to many a valuable lesson which has led to lessons being repeated time and time again. Over the years of hitting my head against the same wall, I now remain in the comfort of knowing that when the student is ready, a teacher will come. I now consider that a teacher may come in any form, I’ve let go of the expectations and preconceived ideas.

When the teaching begins the trick is to pay attention, ask questions and listen for the answer.

In the last few months I have learnt the value of admitting things to one’s self. ‘First to thine own self be true’ There are instances, moments and situations in life when we err on the side of truth. Sometimes we know that we have handled some things rather badly and could have done things differently, yet we are too afraid to even admit to our own selves that this is the case.These times are difficult to deal with if one is afraid to be ‘wrong’ , thus they lead to complicating matters even further.Our shortcomings somehow seem too hard to admit to ourselves let alone to other people, we seem always intent on being right, or at least not come across as wrong.

Given how freeing it is to admit one’s foibles, it feels like such a waste of time and opportunity to nurse the illusion of having to be right. Saying I mishandled a situation doest necessarily amount to admitting guilt, or taking the blame for whatever went wrong, I have found that it merely opens up the lines for dialogue.It gives a platform from which a healthy discussion about the way forward can be held. It keeps the communication lines open.

Every new year offers us new chances and opportunities to do things differently, to try other modes of operating. We make resolutions which are often idealistic and are bound to fizzle out into nothingness very early in the game, but nevertheless are made. Because we are so filled with hope and anticipation we don’t worry about whether or not our resolutions will be followed through. The symbolic change that comes with the turn of the new year is enough to make us believe that we all can turn a new leaf, start a new chapter and better our ways.

This year that is 2011, My hope is that I will keep things simple. Let my yesses be yes and my No’s be No. Free myself from the shackles of keeping the illusion. Play less games and Live and Love more. Most importantly, learn to recognise and appreciate the lessons and teachers that may come my way.

On that note, I wish myself and all a Happy New year, may it be filled with prosperitiy, love and forgiveness.

Here’s looking at 2011!

Camagu!

Tis a Season to be jolly!

It’s Xmas time again, and for the upteenth time I can’t get over how pressurised this time is. The media hype about the ‘season to be jolly’ can get to the best of us. It is lovely to have a ‘reason’ to be jolly and to spread Christmas cheer, but somehow I can’t help but notice how devoid of cheer this period seems to be. People are bombarded by adverts to get this, that, and the next thing. There is less emphasis on quality and more on quantity. There are adverts of ‘give your child an alcohol free christmas this year’ What is it all coming to? I consider myself to be a generally upbeat person when the spirit moves me, however at this time, I just keep feeling like the things that one doesn’t have get highlighted e.g for people without families near them the absence is so pronounced that instead of cheer there is just gloom. Do we need the pressure?

I have always loved any excuse to laugh and be merry, yet lately I feel slightly jaded because the innocense of things seem to be diminishing. Gone are the days when Christmas was about watching the sun dancing at dawn, observing it’s effects on the cows in the kraal. Hearing the hustle and bustle of family members preparing all manner of dishes, delicacies such as jelly and custard.

The day would be characterised by children donning their best clothes, brand spanking new items for a change. Every one would for once, feel absolutely beautiful in their new bought items. There’d be  promise of something good in the air. The local photographer would be ready to capture the moment with his trusted camera. All around there would be genuine  cheer!

The simplicity of those days lended to the magical feel of the day.

Those were simpler days of yester- year, and just as everything comes and goes, so does the meaning of things.

What does this Christmas time mean to people? I guess it differs from person to person, I am glad to be with my loved ones and wish I could have more of my dear people around me. I hope for love and laughter for everyone known and unknown.

Most of all I celebrate the innocence of children as this time is especially magical for them.

Merry Christmas to all! May each day be filled with joy,love and laughter regardless of what calender day it is. May all heartaches be forgotten and may everyone’s cup of kindness be filled to the brim.

May this time bring goodness to us all.

Cheers!

Hibernation

Sometimes, for one reason or another, one finds themselves retreating inwards or even having already retreated inwards to another place within . Somehow this process tends to begin to take place before one is even aware of it. By the time you recognise what is happening, you probably will have been going on as if nothing untoward was particularly afoot, until something happens to snatch you right out of your silent reverie. It is only then when it hits you that you will realise what is taking place. By this time it will be clear that yes, somewhere along the line, you burrowed into a little hole as a reaction to outside influences.

Having now relocated to the Northern hemisphere, I find myself gradually being pulled into what I imagine is a normal hibernation period that animals must go through during the harsh weather conditions of winter. As we all know humans are not at all that different from animals.

At the mention of Finland, often times the first question that is asked by people who have never been to Finland is ‘Don’t people freeze in that kind of cold?’ Weather is seemingly the biggest talking point for most people about Finland. I can understand why that is.I myself, got a shock to my system the first time I experienced 22 hours of daylight during the midsummer. I had a whale of a time basking in the evening sun and watching the sunset just before midnight, that I thought it would go on forever. Such was the magical nature of that phenomenon.

Seasons change as time marches on. Since the spectacular summer, I have gone on to witness nature metamorphosising right before my very eyes where the previously green leaves gradually turned into new shades of brown, rust, mauve, orange and even red. The ever tall trees of our neighbourhood transformed to a kaleidoscope of colours that rivalled any I have yet laid eyes on over the years. I was enchanted!

The playfulness of autumn lasted only for a short spell as before I could realise what was happening, there was suddenly a distinct chill in the air. At first I recognised the familiar chill as winter cold, to my dismay I was made aware that actually what I recognised as the winter cold was not at all winter, but still autumn weather. With this knowledge, I realised that I was about to truly experience the onset of a Finnish winter in the only best way possible, by experiencing it for myself.

It has been weeks since I was told that winter was still a good few weeks ahead of us, yet my body and Spirit have been telling me otherwise. As said when one goes into hibernation it is a process that unfolds without any fanfare.

It sneaks up on you and catches you almost unawares. No matter how it comes, the timing is never wrong. All that one can do is to respond to the call for there is no substitute for the sense of security that one finds in the inner sanctuary of one’s inner space.

So in response to the frequently asked question ‘No, people do not freeze here even if the temperatures drop to far below zero degrees- fortunately where nature falls short technology picks up’

The arrival of snow and its subsequent presence over the last couple of weeks, makes me think that maybe it is time for me to welcome the dawn of the Finnish winter and also to embrace the soundless call to my Self to retreat inwards.

Halala halala halala ukuzala kukuzolula!

Happy Birthday to you, minemnandi kuwe, HAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
It’s a bit strange to experience the event or nonevent of getting older, moving from one decade to the next somehow feels rather normal:)
One doesn’t know what to expect does one?
I am so grateful to my husband and to my son.
You guys are truly ACES in my books.
Many thanks for making today worthwhile.
I am delighted to be finally celebrating this day, it has been many years of looking forward to this time, now that it is here, I couldn’t be happier.
May this coming year bring with it many blessings and lots of pleasant surprises.
May all the seeds that have been planted over the years bear some fruits and may there be more smiles and less tears.
May goodness always find us and finally, may bygones be bygones.
Let this new year bring with it freshness and newness!

Camagu!!!

The end of another Chapter.

During the last few weeks I embarked on a mission of tying off some loose ends. Laying some ghosts to rest and finally finding all the favourite books that have been my companions for many months  but somehow  never got finished. I have been sorting through these books with the hope and  determination that I will read every single one of them to the end in order to finally consider them an experience had.

How did I find myself with unfinished books you ask? Through the habit of always reading more than one book at a time, hopping from one book to the next until  some books are fully read while others fall by the way side

As I combed through our bookshelf trying to locate all these unfinished reads, I wondered why they have taken so long to get finished and whether I would have a sense of achievement when I finally get through them.

It looked like I had a mammoth task was ahead of me.  One by one I started leafing through the pages , first at lightning pace which gradually eased down to a nice leisurely one  allowing  me to savour every  sentence, paragraph and chapter. I decided to give myself enough time to dedicate to the completion of all the works. Some were easy to get through while others seemed to be like hiking up a mountain, a pleasure to read, but rather labour intensive to power through.

From the onset I had set myself a goal and had drawn up a list which I kept on crossing every time a book was finished, this somehow seemed to detract from the pleasant experience of reading a book thus I decided to do away with the physical list and rather keep a mental note. This took away the sense of reading as a chore, but rather made it a treat.

As I was going through every read, travelling to all the distant places and awakening to different realities I couldn’t help but notice just how personal and intimate the experience of reading was, I found myself plunged to depths of emotions the one minute and being buoyed to dizzying heights the next. It was a true roller coaster ride. These reminded me that there is nothing methodical about reading for pleasure. It is as unpredictable as a joy ride and as equally  moving.

Life has been said to be like a roller coaster ride, sometimes you are up and sometimes you are down. Every day brings with it all it’s potential, the liver of life is the one who decides just what kind of a day each day will be.

Today marks the last day of my twenties, the last day of being twenty something, the last day of being nine and twenty.

As I sit here reflecting on what the last decade has brought me and out of me, I marvel at the innumerable events that have take place in a space of a ten years. I couldn’t even begin to recount or recall   them all for that would be an endless exercise. What I do know however  is that nothing would have prepared me for all the surprises along the way.  Life has been a mass of contradictions , there have been times of great joy and times of deep sorrow, moments of lightness and moments of heaviness, the spectrum has been very  broad and wide. This has been a time of curve balls and steep learning curves which have  lead to immense growth spurts and invaluable  lessons in gratitude.

Throughout this time I have forever been holding out for the future, for the day when I would kiss my turbulent  twenties goodbye and say hello to my thirties. The time has now come and it is with mixed feelings that I bid farewell to the last decade. As with a wonderful book that is rather challenging to read, but gives such deep feelings of satisfaction once it is complete, such is the feeling I have about leaving my twenties. I am filled with gladness for all the challenges, yet slightly relieved that I’ve made it.

I look back to my younger self and smile at all her follies, mishaps and successes. I see the hope and excitement with which she entered the twenties, a similar excitement which surges within as I now approach my thirties, albeit a lot more tampered.

The last page has been turned, signalling  the end of a chapter. With all the excitement, eagerness and misgivings, I welcome the new era. Who knows what the new decade will bring , whether it will be better or worse, good or bad, simple or complex. It is immaterial, for what ever the future holds,   I’m good and  ready to usher in the unknown.

Ever changing times…

Life changes, times are changing and things change.

I’ve recently finished reading the Biography of Albertina and Walter Sisulu, the Mother and Father of the struggle against Apartheid. After months of starting and stopping with this detailed account of the years that lead to the championing of our freedom, I decided to sit my self down and firmly resolve to read through the whole book without allowing any interruptions. This of course, was no easy feat as life continued to carry on, and as we know, there are always interruptions, still I soldiered on until I had reached the very end of their magnificent story. Spell bound!

Camagu! Mama no Tata!

After plucking up the courage and delving right in to the bitter past, I emerged feeling like I had been catapulted back to such turbulent times, times that don’t even resemble the times we are currently living. Times when people gave up their lives for their belief in the cause, fortunately and unfortunately times that are now a distant memory. I felt I needed a moment just to recover from the experience of travelling to the past and almost reliving the events through this couple’s story.

The men and women who fought resiliently against unjust laws of the Republic of South Africa are today our Heroes and Sheroes who deserve the highest respect, regard and honour. I raise my fist to the fathers who were stripped off of their lives, families and sometimes their livelihoods. I salute them for never allowing the enemy to strip them off their pride, dignity and sense of self.
I raise my fist for the daughters who were left to raise families on their own, who were left to keep the embers of resistance burning and who never gave up or lost hope. Viva my people!

The winds of change are inevitable now as they were then, no matter how bleak, dark and unpromising the future may have seemed, there was always promise of change. These veterans lived for that promise and never stopped anticipating the day when freedom would be visited upon the beloved people. Everyday was a day closer to seeing their dream finally realised, the dream of a free people.

Dreams can seem far fetched and improbable, but these same dreams are what the future is made of, the building blocks of a better tomorrow. They are the prize that one keeps the eye on. History has shown us how the dream is what sometimes sustained the oppressed peoples, what fuelled the fire of their struggles and what eventually brought them to the place they had been hoping for.

So dare to dream, for change is definitely going to come!
Have a confident expectation of what tomorrow will bring,
Get ready, for change can come almost by force.

Camagu!

Back to Front

“Life is lived forwards but understood backwards” (S. Kierkegaard)

Sometimes one gets so focused in planning , preparing and living for the future that one tends to forget the here and the now. This of course is to par with societal norms, we are all encouraged to always save for ‘a rainy day’ never knowing whether we will be there to live and to see the ‘rainy day’

This is an article of faith.

Just as putting your head on your pillow at night without doubting or questioning whether you will wake up to see the next dawn of tomorrow.

Just as inhaling without thinking twice about whether or not you will still be there to exhale.

Just as putting one foot in front of the other and counting on the next foot to follow.

From time to time we must remind ourselves of our yesterdays in order to get more perspective on our todays and hoped for tomorrows.

When things seem not to be going our way, it helps to look back and take a walk down the halls of history, visiting the recesses of our minds , to find out how far we have come. Remembering where we have come from creates a clearer picture of where we are going.

Even in the darkest hours when life’s gentle embrace seems to be turning into a tightening noose, one must remember that we didn’t come this far to be left in the middle of the road.

When today and tomorrow feels, and looks a bit unclear, remember to take a backward glance to remind you of the journey you have so far travelled. Take strength from the seas you’ve swam, the mountains you’ve climbed and the valleys you’ve navigated and remember…

Tomorrow will take care of itself.

Do over

If I had my life to live over again,
I would laugh louder, deeper and heartier,
I would cry more and hold back less tears
I would smile straight from the heart and out from my eyes.
I would harbour less grudges and have less regrets.
I would have acceptance for things I cant change.
I would fear the dark less and feed my superstitions even less.
I would practice more courage and accept that the way to courage is through fear
I would pat myself more on the back and celebrate me more.
I would cling less to the dark past and look forward to a brighter future.
I would let my yes be yes and no be no,
I would travel lighter, carry less baggage.
I would love more, trust more and hope more.
I would recognise myself as special and treat myself accordingly.
I would be less critical of my image in the mirror and more appreciative of what is.
I would stress less and relax more,
I would sing louder, dance with more abandon, and work harder.
I would Believe in life more
I would Doubt less and Trust more.
I would love without reservations
I would let myself and everyone else just BE.
I would Enjoy all the things that bring me joy.
I would show more Love.
I would wish for less and do more.

Step by step…

Long time no see… it has been ages since I last succumbed to the desire and inclination to write in the blog. I cannot for the life of me begin to explain what led to this turn of events. A writer’s block maybe? I can’t say, am still figuring it out.
With that said, I welcome myself back to my world:) it has been too long.
Since my last entry much has happened and as a result many a change has taken place, for one,I have since left my home country and am now learning to understand what it means to be an ‘immigrant’.
How I have been faring in the foreign lands is a surprise even to me. For starters, I arrived to one of thee most amazing summers of my life, enjoyed 22hours of sunlight/sunshine daily and feasted on all manner of organic offerings from my inlaws lovely cottage( allotment) garden.

A blissful time I was having until one fateful day when while attempting a technique of maintaining balance on a bicycle, I raptured my Achiles tendon. What a blow. I am still stunned from the experience. Having once before 15 years ago, snapped the tendon of my other leg, I had a vague idea of what was to come…I was in a for a great surprise… My first month in my new country was about to take a new and hectic turn.
As the old saying goes ‘ when the going gets tough, the tough gets going’
Being somewhat one who was chronically fearful of hospitals and also reluctant to ask for help, I was in for a challenge as my life was about to turn into a series of hospital visits, an operation, immobility and relying on loved ones and strangers for help. I was completely out of my comfort zone. Nothing would/could have prepared me for the next weeks to come.
After all the daily challenges of getting through the days, I now sit here with these strong feelings to tell the tale as today was the first day of being free from the cast that has become my companion for the last 6 weeks.
Free…at last? I don’t know, for I feel like the proverbial elephents who after being tied to a tree at their infancy still feel constrained when as adults one ties their ankles even to a stick… this psychological effect is mind boggling, yet real. I find myself reluctant to let go of my trusty crutches that have stood me in good stead in the last few weeks. I keep double clicking on the part of my mind that says,’don’t put weight on that foot’ yet now I should.
Methinks that this too will pass as the fact of the matter is I am thrilled to be free at last, I cant wait to go back to taking long walks with my husband, bathing my son, effortlessly making food for myself, enjoying long showers… these are a few of the things I missed the most.
Yet, after all is said and done, I am eternally grateful. Grateful to have survived and for being on the road to recovery. Most of all, I am grateful to have had an experience that has led me back to the world of innersense.It’s good to be back. What a humbling experience. Camagu!

Greetings and salutations 2010!

A new year, a new dawn…

As it often happens, newness brings with it great promise and possibilities as well as new opportunities. It is even easier for one to let go of old hurts, grudges, hang-ups and pain, and embrace the freshness of newness. Letting go of all the heaviness, and allowing the lightness of being to set in is no easy feat, however a new day, week, month, and year usually make it achievable.

I come hurtling in to the new year, with my eyes wide open, my arms thrown out , and my  heels up in the air, for once again, this is the time, my time, our time to make new choices, forgetting old worries and filling up our cup to the brim with goodness.

I pledge to be present moment by moment in this new year, to laugh hard, cry with an agenda (to heal), love tenderly and live fully.

This is not a resolution, I dare say, but a pledge.

Here’s to 2010,

May you bring light and love, blessings and hope, strength, courage and wisdom.

Camagu!!!